Back again

Hi guys, remember me? I'm back again, after 2 years it's been pretty hard. But unfortunately, Ed is back to torture me again and I don't really know where else to turn to  except here.

2 almost 3 years ago, I made this blog and didn't except to get any followers or have anyone help me at all. I was helpless and was in need of some direction. But slowly you guys helped me, and you have no idea how much I appreciate that. We were all kind of like a support system for each other over the internet and there was no judgement which I loved.

My junior year of high school, Ed was not present in my life. But my senior year, I went back to my old high school, some very painful things happened to me, and then all of a sudden Ed was back. And he wasn't leaving.

I was in a lot of pain and didn't know what else to do so I turned to Ed. It started out how it normally does, working out more eating healthy. I was starting to party more and I got introduced to adderall. Long story short I got really addicted and took it so I wouldn't have an appetite. I spent the last 6 months addicted to adderall, risking going to jail and losing relationships with the people I loved the most. I became a shell of myself, barely eating, irritable, staying up all night and getting NO sleep, barely laughing, and struggling every single day. The past year I also began binging and purging too.

In the last month, I've quit adderall and I've started to eat again. I've started college, got a job, and I'm getting my life together.

But it's still hard. Yesterday I had to buy jeans in a size bigger than I usually wear. It was really difficult and I know I can't do this alone which I why I came here. I want Ed out of my life FOR GOOD. I don't want to turn to him when I'm in distress I don't want to turn to him ever. I've struggled with this for 6 years and I want him out of my life forever. I really hope I'll be able to do that.

Update (:

I just want to personally thank all of you for being there for me during my struggle last year. It was really hard and I was so grateful I had so much support! My life has taken a turn for the better, I'm so much healthier now! My weight.. hmm maybe about like 122-125 lbs depending on the day? That number used to scare the shit out of me but now I don't really care! Yes I still have days where I don't feel too great about my body but I still eat anyway!

I don't have a boyfriend at the moment (but I don't really care) (: I got my first job! I work at Ihop as a hostess and I'm hopefully getting my liscense soon! I drive like EVERYWHERE now it's pretty great I finally got over my fear of driving! I have alot of friends who support me and I love that so much (: My eyes are finally huge, blue, bright and full of life and I'm doing so much better in school now that I finally got over my depression too. I actually went off my medication and I am SO happy about that!

My mom is taking me to acpuncture weekly cause she thinks it will help and I'm just like -___- but oh well better than taking pills!

Anyway I just wanted to thank you all for being there for me on this journey maybe I will decide to write on here in the future but for now you can follow my twitter- @DaniellleNicol or my tumblr- http://ohhbitchhhpleaseee.tumblr.com/ !(:

Tumblr switch!!

Heeeyyy guys (: sorry I haven't posted in.. months. Lol. Buuut you should all follow my tumblr blog if you have one!<3 http://ohhbitchhhpleaseee.tumblr.com/ idk I just like tumblr alot better now! it lets me do alot me haha but anywayyy, comment with your tumblr link so I can follow you!(:

Letter to myself

I'm gonna read this every time I feel like crap. My ex boyfriends have done such shitty things to me.. it made me feel like I was never worth it. But guess what assholes? I am. And I'm gonna find someone better<3


Hey, you.

Yeah you! Are you thinking about him AGAIN? Quit it. You’re better than this. You’re worth it. He’s just a STUPID boy. Were you happy before him? Yes? Duh! You’ve been through worse than this sweetheart. Cutting drinking anorexia depression bulimia. Heartbreak? No problem. There are people who need you in the world. You have a purpose in this world and it isn’t being someone’s girlfriend. You’re going to change the world. YOU are worth it<3 You’re beautiful, inside and out.

Love, Me

NEW.BLOG(:

You know, I love writing. I wanna keep this blog but the name is going to change. I'm not sure of what yet, but yeah(: read if you want, or not.

Life is very good<3 I'm feeling really inspired lately so I wanted to write.. I'm SO happy, I got an interview to volunteer at the childrens hospital and ROCKED IT!(: I get to volunteer there 5-8 on Mondays and have to go to two training sessions I'm SO EXCITED!!

Moving on, feels amazing. My past is my past and it has made me so much stronger. Heartbreak, depression, anorexia, a little of bulmia, cutting, I'm past it all. And I want to help those who are still struggling. There is light at the end of the tunnel. You just can't wait for it to come to you. You have to reach out and grab it.

"No one said it would be easy, they just said it would be worth it."




<3Danielle

I also have another blog, but I just post pictures, see it if you likeee (:

http://daniellejacobson.tumblr.com/

Hello beauts! (:

I'M RECOVERED!!!!!!

I've been recoered for about 2 months now! :D I got done with treatment and I felt SO proud! <3 Yes, I have had one slip but I picked myself back up and now I'm okay again (: I've been through some heartbreak, experimented with drinking, but eventually, stopped. I haven't cut in almost 3 weeks and I've found my faith again (:

I went on a missions trip to New orleans, Louisana and it was an amazing experience. It was very tough for me, but I loved it. I helped fix a ladys house and went on prayer walks and it was lifechanging. I might go on on a missions trip in nicarigua hopefully next summer too! :D

This summer has definetly had some ups and down.. I'm starting to get over a heartbreak. I won't go into details, but it REALLY hurt me. But I'm healing now, working on myself, focusing on me. I got my cartilage pierced and I'm getting my hair dyed on thursday(: I'm working out more (only an hour max a day!!) I usually only workout for 30 minutes anyway. Or go on peaceful walks (:

I'm starting to get into photography,too(: Life is amazing, and I'm so glad that I finally got over my eating disorder to realize that. I'm finally the happy go lucky friendly person I've always wanted to be. One day I'm going to write a book, and I'm going to spend the rest of my life helping people (: I'm not sure how! But I will realize that when I graduate in two years.

Thank you all SO much for reading my blog and being there for me over the past year! It meant so much to me and I couldn't thank you enough.

Add me on Facebook! http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.138179322919521.26525.100001823615482#!/danielle.jacobson3 I will always be here for anyone who needs help. God helps me solve problems (:

Thanks for listening<3 -Danielle Nicole (:

Taking a break

I think I'm going to be taking a break from the blog world for a while. I really have to try and focus on myself right now, and being happy, and recovering and stuff. I have to focus on all the positive things in life or else I'm afraid that I'll become really sad again.

I'm finally starting to not get REALLY depressed at night so that's a good sign(: I guess the only thing I'm afraid of now, is the clinic I go to. I just want to be DONE. I feel normal again. I don't feel 100 % cured, but I feel like a normal girl again. I'm not sure what I'm going to do.. I don't really want to put a huge effort into gaining weight because I feel what I'm doing is okay. I'm eating enough to feed my body, and I'm eating whatever I want.

I guess I feel that when I focus on recovery and eating disorders and sad things and all that, I start to get caught up in it all, and it's really hard to stop thinking about it. Like when I start talking about my eating disorder, like now, I start body checking, obsessing about food, calories, everything.

But when I'm with friends and I'm having tons of fun, I really don't think about food and just eat whatever I want and don't let my eating disorder get to me. The eating disorder is always in the back of my mind and it doesn't bother me because I'm not letting it control me.

I'll blog again when I'm in a better place in my life and eating disorder and stuff.
Thanks for listening <3 data-blogger-escaped-br="">And remember, you're all beautiful (: