Letter to myself

I'm gonna read this every time I feel like crap. My ex boyfriends have done such shitty things to me.. it made me feel like I was never worth it. But guess what assholes? I am. And I'm gonna find someone better<3


Hey, you.

Yeah you! Are you thinking about him AGAIN? Quit it. You’re better than this. You’re worth it. He’s just a STUPID boy. Were you happy before him? Yes? Duh! You’ve been through worse than this sweetheart. Cutting drinking anorexia depression bulimia. Heartbreak? No problem. There are people who need you in the world. You have a purpose in this world and it isn’t being someone’s girlfriend. You’re going to change the world. YOU are worth it<3 You’re beautiful, inside and out.

Love, Me

NEW.BLOG(:

You know, I love writing. I wanna keep this blog but the name is going to change. I'm not sure of what yet, but yeah(: read if you want, or not.

Life is very good<3 I'm feeling really inspired lately so I wanted to write.. I'm SO happy, I got an interview to volunteer at the childrens hospital and ROCKED IT!(: I get to volunteer there 5-8 on Mondays and have to go to two training sessions I'm SO EXCITED!!

Moving on, feels amazing. My past is my past and it has made me so much stronger. Heartbreak, depression, anorexia, a little of bulmia, cutting, I'm past it all. And I want to help those who are still struggling. There is light at the end of the tunnel. You just can't wait for it to come to you. You have to reach out and grab it.

"No one said it would be easy, they just said it would be worth it."




<3Danielle

I also have another blog, but I just post pictures, see it if you likeee (:

http://daniellejacobson.tumblr.com/

Hello beauts! (:

I'M RECOVERED!!!!!!

I've been recoered for about 2 months now! :D I got done with treatment and I felt SO proud! <3 Yes, I have had one slip but I picked myself back up and now I'm okay again (: I've been through some heartbreak, experimented with drinking, but eventually, stopped. I haven't cut in almost 3 weeks and I've found my faith again (:

I went on a missions trip to New orleans, Louisana and it was an amazing experience. It was very tough for me, but I loved it. I helped fix a ladys house and went on prayer walks and it was lifechanging. I might go on on a missions trip in nicarigua hopefully next summer too! :D

This summer has definetly had some ups and down.. I'm starting to get over a heartbreak. I won't go into details, but it REALLY hurt me. But I'm healing now, working on myself, focusing on me. I got my cartilage pierced and I'm getting my hair dyed on thursday(: I'm working out more (only an hour max a day!!) I usually only workout for 30 minutes anyway. Or go on peaceful walks (:

I'm starting to get into photography,too(: Life is amazing, and I'm so glad that I finally got over my eating disorder to realize that. I'm finally the happy go lucky friendly person I've always wanted to be. One day I'm going to write a book, and I'm going to spend the rest of my life helping people (: I'm not sure how! But I will realize that when I graduate in two years.

Thank you all SO much for reading my blog and being there for me over the past year! It meant so much to me and I couldn't thank you enough.

Add me on Facebook! http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.138179322919521.26525.100001823615482#!/danielle.jacobson3 I will always be here for anyone who needs help. God helps me solve problems (:

Thanks for listening<3 -Danielle Nicole (:

Taking a break

I think I'm going to be taking a break from the blog world for a while. I really have to try and focus on myself right now, and being happy, and recovering and stuff. I have to focus on all the positive things in life or else I'm afraid that I'll become really sad again.

I'm finally starting to not get REALLY depressed at night so that's a good sign(: I guess the only thing I'm afraid of now, is the clinic I go to. I just want to be DONE. I feel normal again. I don't feel 100 % cured, but I feel like a normal girl again. I'm not sure what I'm going to do.. I don't really want to put a huge effort into gaining weight because I feel what I'm doing is okay. I'm eating enough to feed my body, and I'm eating whatever I want.

I guess I feel that when I focus on recovery and eating disorders and sad things and all that, I start to get caught up in it all, and it's really hard to stop thinking about it. Like when I start talking about my eating disorder, like now, I start body checking, obsessing about food, calories, everything.

But when I'm with friends and I'm having tons of fun, I really don't think about food and just eat whatever I want and don't let my eating disorder get to me. The eating disorder is always in the back of my mind and it doesn't bother me because I'm not letting it control me.

I'll blog again when I'm in a better place in my life and eating disorder and stuff.
Thanks for listening <3 data-blogger-escaped-br="">And remember, you're all beautiful (:

(:

Hey! Sorry I haven't wrote in a while, I've been kinda busy.

I've made like a ton of progress in the past week. Not like, weight wise but I decided to not be a vegetarian anymore. I thought I would be a vegetarian forever, but now I realized that I just wanted to be a vegetarian to feel special. See, when I first started recovery I wanted something besides my eating disorder (because I was trying to get rid of it) to make me feel special.

At the time I didn't really realize that I was a vegetarian for that reason. I've never really liked any other meat except chicken, unless it's hidden in something like meatballs or meat and rice or something. So that was another reason to be a vegetarian.

But what I didn't really realize was the side effects of not getting enough protein. I sometimes got really tired for no reason and pretty weak too. It wasn't from lack of food, but from lack of protein. I also really craved chicken too and I just denied myself enough protein for a long time. I finally admitted I didn't want to be a vegetarian anymore at the dietitian's. My mom actually started crying! And my dad said he was really proud of me. I guess I'm proud of myself too. It's still hard to get protein, but soon eating protein will get easier.

I also bought some bigger jeans. I haven't worn this size in likee 8 months? At first it was really scary but then I was like- why does this have to be such a big deal?! They're just jeans, and I want more breathing room than the smaller jeans.

I'm also starting to hang out with friends a lot more(: And I start a new high school in two weeks, I'm so excited. Staying at home all day really isn't that fun at all.

The best part is I'm starting to feel.. normal again(: I'm still underweight, but I think I can finally start to live the life the I want to, not the life Ed wants me too.

Learning healthy habits

Body checking. I think we all do it. Well, anyone with an eating disorder anyway.

I never realized I did this, until I talked with the family therapist yesterday. I walk into the bathroom, and there's a huge mirror. I look at my thighs, they're huge, a size eight at least, I feel so disgusting. So I check in the mirror in the other room, suddenly I'm thinner. Then I check in a different mirror in the same room, I'm thinner again. Then I go back into the bathroom, yuck look at those thighs.

I didn't change sizes from walking one room to the next! Body checking is also trying on clothes to figure out how each one fits. And its also feeling certain places of the body to see which place is thinner, stuff like that.

Now that I'm more aware of this, I realize I "body check" a lot! And it really bugs me. But I am really glad that I've realized this, so I can finally stop it. My parents are going to take down the mirrors in their room so I can't examine myself in them anymore, and we're going to block off a part of the mirror in the bathroom. It will take a while to get rid of this body checking habit, but I'm determined to do it. It doesn't make me happy, it only makes me feel fat and miserable.

I'm also trying to learn healthy exercise, and so far its going great! I'm doing strength training (only with 2 lb weights) and pilates. And I'm going to the dog park once a week with my dog. And I'm not exercising to burn calories, I exercise to be happy, and because I actually want to. I will no longer be slaving away on the treadmill. I don't really even like treadmills that much!

I have made progress, and that really really scares me. I haven't been at this weight in almost 3 months. I almost feel like I'm doing something very wrong. But I'm not! I'm still thin, and people are still worried about me. Hopefully being thin will no longer matter to me when I'm recovered. I just want to be healthy now.

Changing

Weight gain is probably the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I know it may not seem like a big deal to some people, but to me it really is. Not being able to feel as many bones, having extra fat on my body, eating so much I can't even move. I never thought it would be this hard. But that doesn't mean it isn't going to be worth it.

I want my freedom back. I want to be able to run without my parents yelling - no running! And them thinking I'm trying to burn calories when I'm not. I want to be able to look in a mirror and see me- not some person that has to lose weight. I want to be able to eat what I want, without my parents jumping in and saying its not enough to gain weight. And I want to be able to work out again!

The things I want to do, can't be done unless I get to my goal weight. Then I will have my freedom back. I think it will be really hard when I do get to a healthy weight, because there will be other girls thinner than me, but to know I'm happy and healthy and to remember how miserable I was at a lower weight, won't make me want to me unhealthy again.

Fighting Ed is really hard, and I can't really do it on my own. So I'm going to look at this everytime I feel discouraged, and remember my goal is to change. Ed is not going to win.

These made me smile(: And helped me remember my goal.

Have a great day everyone!<3(: