Saturday, September 7, 2013

Back again

Hi guys, remember me? I'm back again, after 2 years it's been pretty hard. But unfortunately, Ed is back to torture me again and I don't really know where else to turn to  except here.

2 almost 3 years ago, I made this blog and didn't except to get any followers or have anyone help me at all. I was helpless and was in need of some direction. But slowly you guys helped me, and you have no idea how much I appreciate that. We were all kind of like a support system for each other over the internet and there was no judgement which I loved.

My junior year of high school, Ed was not present in my life. But my senior year, I went back to my old high school, some very painful things happened to me, and then all of a sudden Ed was back. And he wasn't leaving.

I was in a lot of pain and didn't know what else to do so I turned to Ed. It started out how it normally does, working out more eating healthy. I was starting to party more and I got introduced to adderall. Long story short I got really addicted and took it so I wouldn't have an appetite. I spent the last 6 months addicted to adderall, risking going to jail and losing relationships with the people I loved the most. I became a shell of myself, barely eating, irritable, staying up all night and getting NO sleep, barely laughing, and struggling every single day. The past year I also began binging and purging too.

In the last month, I've quit adderall and I've started to eat again. I've started college, got a job, and I'm getting my life together.

But it's still hard. Yesterday I had to buy jeans in a size bigger than I usually wear. It was really difficult and I know I can't do this alone which I why I came here. I want Ed out of my life FOR GOOD. I don't want to turn to him when I'm in distress I don't want to turn to him ever. I've struggled with this for 6 years and I want him out of my life forever. I really hope I'll be able to do that.