The best part about it is I'll probably still be able to help out with behind the scenes stuff an hour or two before i model. The only thing that I'm really worries about is the sizes. She said i had to be a size two but i think i am? I'm not sure. My sizes are kinda weird right now because I'm in transition. My size zero jeans still fit so i should be able to be a size two.
But why am i obsessing about this? I shouldn't be obsessing about this but i can't help it. I've been worried about sizes and what I'm going to look like later. But i know in my conscious mind, I'll look good if i just eat healthy and exercise. I look like a stick now, and for some reason i like that.
Yesterday i put on an outfit and it made me look really skinny. And i liked it. But i shouldn't! I really shouldn't because I'm still not at the healthiest weight i can be at and I'm not supposed to look this way. I shouldn't be thinking up ways i can stay this way or planning when not to eat.
But I'm sure these are just the feelings that are supposed to be part of recovery. I cant just automatically be cured. It takes time and patience for me to get better. I just need to stop listening to these thoughts. I'll recover if i just stop listening to them.
