I think I'm going to be taking a break from the blog world for a while. I really have to try and focus on myself right now, and being happy, and recovering and stuff. I have to focus on all the positive things in life or else I'm afraid that I'll become really sad again.
I'm finally starting to not get REALLY depressed at night so that's a good sign(: I guess the only thing I'm afraid of now, is the clinic I go to. I just want to be DONE. I feel normal again. I don't feel 100 % cured, but I feel like a normal girl again. I'm not sure what I'm going to do.. I don't really want to put a huge effort into gaining weight because I feel what I'm doing is okay. I'm eating enough to feed my body, and I'm eating whatever I want.
I guess I feel that when I focus on recovery and eating disorders and sad things and all that, I start to get caught up in it all, and it's really hard to stop thinking about it. Like when I start talking about my eating disorder, like now, I start body checking, obsessing about food, calories, everything.
But when I'm with friends and I'm having tons of fun, I really don't think about food and just eat whatever I want and don't let my eating disorder get to me. The eating disorder is always in the back of my mind and it doesn't bother me because I'm not letting it control me.
I'll blog again when I'm in a better place in my life and eating disorder and stuff.
Thanks for listening <3
And remember, you're all beautiful (: