Monday, August 16, 2010

Losing a best friend

Lately, it's been hard to try letting go of my anorexia. Weird, isn't it? You'd think i'd be wanting to throw it out a window and stop it into the ground or something but.. no. I guess it's almost like losing a best friend. I've been thinking about all the clothes i'll no longer be able to fit into, how food doesn't taste as good anymore, and when i look at pictures of skinny people i kind of feel a pang inside my chest. Like the feeling like you just lost a best friend.

I know this is probably a dumb feeling to have but i'm sure other people have gone through it too. And maybe it's even a normal part of recovery.
The truth is, i kind of don't want to let go of it. Part of me still wants to hang on, and is saying that i can live with it. But deep down, i know that isn't true. It's a disease. A person with cancer can't just live with cancer and not get treatment right? This is almost the same thing.

I know deep down that no, i can't eat 800 calories a day, i can't overexercise, and i have to eventually eat like a normal person and find a way to be happy with that. Hopefully, i will eventually be a normal person.

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