I want my freedom back. I want to be able to run without my parents yelling - no running! And them thinking I'm trying to burn calories when I'm not. I want to be able to look in a mirror and see me- not some person that has to lose weight. I want to be able to eat what I want, without my parents jumping in and saying its not enough to gain weight. And I want to be able to work out again!
The things I want to do, can't be done unless I get to my goal weight. Then I will have my freedom back. I think it will be really hard when I do get to a healthy weight, because there will be other girls thinner than me, but to know I'm happy and healthy and to remember how miserable I was at a lower weight, won't make me want to me unhealthy again.
Fighting Ed is really hard, and I can't really do it on my own. So I'm going to look at this everytime I feel discouraged, and remember my goal is to change. Ed is not going to win.
These made me smile(: And helped me remember my goal.
Have a great day everyone!<3(:
Danielle, it is like you read my mind. This perfectly sums up my past week. I've recently gained some weight, and it went straight to pad my hip and butt bone (pelvic bone?) It is the oddest feeling to touch my hips and not be able to feel the clearly defined shape of my bones. And I've been specifically stuffing myself to gain the damn weight, to the point where it feels like all I do throughout the day is eat.
ReplyDeleteI love your mentality. It is all so true: we will gain the whole world by gaining. Keep it up. With this attitude, you are so right, ED will NOT win!!!
Thank you for your kind comment. I always enjoy what you have to say (comment or your posts).
ReplyDeleteYes, it is very hard to gain weight, but you know what, it will be worth it in a long run. You will find yourself happier and less pulled down by ED thinking. You have a rich life ahead of you and I am rooting for you!!!
Weight gain was/is hard for me as well. But when I think of all the things that I actually gain by gaining weight it makes things easier. I made myself a list a while back of all the things I would gain by getting to a healthy weight. When I read back on that list it puts a lot of things in perspective, and makes things a lot easier.
ReplyDeleteHope you are happy and doing well!
L.
Weight gain is really tough! My past session with my nutritionist was basically on this...I was focusing WAY too much on what my body couldn't do since reaching a healthy weight - my nutritionist reminded me to think about everything I COULD do now..I was amazed!! Keep going - freedom is SO worth it!!
ReplyDelete~Lily
Weight gain is difficult to have to come to grips with because we think (well I did...) that we look normal anyway - but we don't. Our minds are so distorted that what we see in the mirror is either "healthy" enough or not thin enough. Whereas in reality, we look grossly thin and we stick out like a sore thumb in crowds. We are so used to our version of normal being sickly thin that when we are told to gain weight with what actually is classified as normal, we freak out because that is not OUR normal. Normalising healthy habits and healthy body images in recovery makes accepting yourself a whole lot easier. I know that even though I'm at a healthy weight now, I would never have considered myself not healthy enough. Right now, I feel like I am still too thin even though I am classified as a healthy weight now.
ReplyDeleteAs you keep gaining, your mind will become clearer and you WILL learn to accept yourself with a healthier body. It just takes time :)
xxx
You can do it Danielle! Just think of all the amazing things you and your body can do once you reach a healthy weight. Gaining weight is hard, but you're showing ED who's boss with every bite. :)
ReplyDeleteI hope you have a wonderful week!
<3
I told someone just yesterday something that I'd realized; actually GAINING weight is not hard. I mean you eat a lot, that's not rocket science. The hard part is commiting to gaining the weight. ALLOWING yourself to gain the weight. It's like a fight against yourself, which is the most unatural thing to feel and do! But seperate yourself from those feelings and remember all of the great things that life has waiting for you once your healthy. You're so strong Danielle and this will be one of the hardest things you'll ever have to go through, but it'll only make you stronger.
ReplyDelete<3 Tori
You will get your freedom and happiness back. It IS hard, but it'll be worth it :) Weight gain is so difficult, but I believe that you can stick to it as you are so very strong. Beautiful quotes-glad they made you smile :)
ReplyDeleteI can definitely relate to your feelings on weight gain! It is so emotionally and physically draining. But you're absolutely right- being at a healthy weight will be so worth it in the long run- you will be free from ED and free to accomplish your goals and move forward in life- and be a role model for those still struggling with ED! Keep that positive attitude girl- you can do this!!!!!!!!!! <3
ReplyDeleteDanielle,
ReplyDeleteI so appreciate your sweet comments on my blog. You've been such a source of encouragement for me!
"...to know I'm happy and healthy and to remember how miserable I was at a lower weight, won't make me want to me unhealthy again."
I loved this quote. I would recommend that you write a letter or something to yourself from this sick place so that, when you are physically well again and ed promises you nothing but happiness, you will have a clear reminder of what a LIAR he is. I did this when I was just beginning and it's helped me so much. I've gone back to read the letter several times when I'm struggling and it's helped put my mind in a better place again. Just a suggestion : ).
Keep fighting girly! You're doing GREAT!
xxx
sarah
I feel exactly the same as you right now, and it is so tiring. Having to fight through the bad thoughts just to get healthy takes a lot of effort. But we must keep reminding ourselves that it will be better in the end, because we will have energy and happiness running through our blood.
ReplyDeleteStay strong, those quotes are perfect
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