Monday, November 22, 2010


Each choice we make affects our lives. I've been thinking about Thanksgiving lately, and I've decided not to go. Well.. okay my mom helped me decide that. When I really think about it, it hurts me rather than helps me. There's really no reason for me to go. It's always on my mom's side of the family, and I don't connect with anyone on that side. I used to have cousins to hang out with, but we don't really talk much anymore. The age gap is too far. They're 3-5 years younger than me.

So, what's happened the past few years is, I feel so alone whenever I go to my mom's side of the family. My mom talks and laughs with the aunts, my dad.. I think he eats or something, and I don't know what to do. I usually pace upstairs by myself, text people, eat m&m's, trail mix, and pop, play with the dogs, and feel sad. One of my aunt's always teases me about guys. And it makes me feel awful.

The truth is, I haven't really ever had a boyfriend. Yeah, I've had my heart broken and come very close to having one, but nope, I haven't. That doesn't bother me very much, until I come around her. She makes me feel so awful (without realizing it) and I feel like such a loser for not having a boyfriend.

There's not really much to eat there for me either. I've never really liked any meat (besides chicken when it's breaded which can easily be replaced by morning star chik'n) so my plate usually consists of: 2-3 rolls with butter, some jello thing, and mashed potatoes. Then I usually eat 2 pieces of pie. And maybe another roll.

So, nothing good comes out of it. I don't mean to be all negative, but I don't want to go if I'm just going to hurt my heart. As in, not eat anything the day after thanksgiving. Lately when I eat less, It's been hard to breathe. It's been hard to move, all my energy gets drained out of me and it's even hard to type! Luckily I had a good dinner tonight.

So, my mom is going to Thanksgiving at my uncle's house and my dad is staying home with me. I'm going to bake 2 desserts for them and my dad is going to bake 2 desserts for them. My mom is gonna bring them over and me and my dad are gonna have a vegetarian/vegan thanksgiving. That way, I can still challenge myself without feeling overly guilty, alone, and sad.

But, one problem is that I don't know what to tell my mom's side of the family. I can't tell them I'm sick, I'm making desserts for them. I've considered telling them I have a broken leg or something like that, but I'm going shopping on Black Friday with a friend and they might see me. What do you guys think I should tell them? I can't tell them the truth. It would just be too hard. I know they already suspect it, but telling them would just make everything weird.

Okay this post is getting way too long. But hopefully everything will work out. I'm counting down the days to go to the new clinic. I really need help. But everything is going to be okay(: I'll have a good & healthy thanksgiving and finallyy go shopping on black Friday the next day. I'll meet with the new clinic and get the extra help I need. I'm going to be okay.


  1. I think you made a mature decision. I have that same problem with relatives asking about my love life. It makes it worse too that I have a cousin close in age that has a new boyfriend everytime I see her.........

  2. its great that your looking forward to geting more help! and like tori said, its a very mature decision for u to make to not go. now u can actually enjpy thanksgiving and thats what it should be about! f xxx

  3. I think it's better that you are able to challenge yourself in an environment that will make you feel good and happy, as opposed to one where you feel lonely and sad. Sometimes it's hard to decide to do something that's best for you, as opposed to what you feel you "should do", but it's important that you do.

    Can you tell them that you don't feel "up to going" to Thanksgiving? Would they accept that, or do you need to give a more specific reason. Because that way you are saying the truth without adding more specifics then what you are comfortable with.

  4. Hey Danielle, thanks for the comment! It sounds like you've made a healthy decision. I would tell them you promised to look after a friends kid and had to stay home....or maybe you are really tired and are just going to sleep so you wouldn't be much fun. excuses aren't great lol!

  5. I've never had a boyfriend either and my dad has 5 sisters..get the picture? I have a lot of really close guy friends and I like it that way. Someday I hope to get married but it's not like I can right now so why have a boyfriend? My opinion anyway..Not to say that at times I don't WANT a boyfriend..

    Off that topic =D, I don't really know what suggestion to offer about not going to the Thanksgiving dinner, but I would encourage you not to lie. You don't have to open up about what's going on, but you could maybe say you just don't want to come because you'd rather enjoy an evening with your dad. Or your really tired and need rest before shopping on Black Friday?

    It's good your going to seek help! That is a HUGE step in recovery, at times you ( no, your ED)will regret it but don't be discourage you WILL be FREE!!

  6. I hate holidays too because they're so centered on the food and on top of that, there's a lot of communication issues that I am weary of. So I don't blame you.

    I don't think lying is the way to go. But that is me; I have learned too much from life that lying does not get you anywhere, and it ends up biting you in the butt anyway.

    Why do you feel that you need to give them an answer or owe them an explanation? :) If they do ask then just tell them that you have other plans (which is true).

    I suspect you already know the answer already. ;)

    As for boyfriend issue, I understand; I did not have a real boyfriend until I was in college. So, Danielle, take care of yourself, and do not worry about boys. They will come along when time is right. Trust me.


  7. I would say that you woke up feeling under the weather and didn't want to get anyone else sick.

  8. You sure you can't just tell them the truth? Not the part about being around them, but just that you are working on your relationship with food and this is something you need to do?

  9. It's so hard when people, especially relatives, ask about boyfriends and the like; honestly, its none if their business. But, maybe its just you're aunt's way of trying to connect? Just a thought. Personally, I've only ever had one boyfriend (when I was 18 and it didn't last long), so I know how you feel, but I wouldn't worry about it. When it happens it happens. :)

    As for Thanksgiving, I agree with what everyone else has said. You're not obligated to give them a detailed reason, just say that you've had a lot of stress lately and want to spend some quiet time with your dad.

    Anyway, I hope that you have a wonderful Thanksgiving!<3

  10. Danielle,

    I am so proud of you for doing what is right for YOU on Thanksgiving! As a fellow people pleaser who is trying to take care of myself better, I know that must not have been an easy decision to make. I am actually doing something similar at Christmas eve- I don't connect to anyone on my dad's side of the family and it's always very anxiety-provoking socially and with food, so I've made the decision not to spend Christmas eve with them.

    Hmmm... I feel like telling your family that you're "not feeling well" is probably a good idea, or what princesslila said- stressed and need some time to yourself. Don't go into too much detail or say something really untrue like you broke your leg, b/c you don't want to get caught in a lie.

    I am thinking of you, Danielle. You are a truly remarkable person and you are working so hard- I know you can overcome anything that stands in the way of your happiness! Keep your chin up and keep reminding yourself that you can do this. <3

    Thank you so much by the way for your comment on my blog. It meant so much to me and made me smile. :-) You're amazing- always remember that!

    Have a wonderful Thanksgiving and keep us posted.