Thanksgiving Frustrations

I think Thanksgiving, is hard for a lot of people. Mainly people with eating disorders. This year, it really wasn't as hard as before, but it was still very difficult.

Me and my dad starting cooking at around noon, so the food didn't really get done until four. I had a chocolate vita muffin in the morning and then half a naked juice smoothie and then ate little tiny bites of things here and there.

But when it was actually time to eat, I didn't really want to. Sure, I only made four things but still, it's a lot for me. I mainly rely on frozen meals like morning star or Amy's that have the calories posted on the back. I didn't know the calorie content of these at all, which really scared me. But, I ate it. I had; 1 slice vegan lasagna which was totally amazing, 1 piece cornbread, 1 slice vegan red velvet cake, and 2 bites sweet potatoes. Then my mom brought back pies later, so I had two more bites of red velvet cake, a slice of pumpkin cheesecake, and a slice of pudding pie that I had made the day before.

I wasn't really feeling guilty up until my mom got home with the pies. But, I wanted to eat them today because the ED has a certain, rule. When you "binge" it has to be one day. You have to get it all over with in one day. No extra binges tomorrow or you will be a fat pig. Sad, isn't it? I didn't binge. Sure, I ate more sweets but that's just how I am. I like sweet things. They're really good, which is why I never really cook that much. But, I'm going to start. I made the vegan lasagna and it was really good! I can't wait to make other vegetarian/vegan meals.

So, I guess it was a good Thanksgiving. The guilt was the worst part, but I got through it. I ate less today, but I might eat more tomorrow.

But, I did figure out one thing. I have to actually give people a chance. Z and I have been friends for a long time, but we've only really hung out in school. And not very much either. So on Monday, she invited me to go shopping on black Friday. I was skeptical at first, but I decided to go. And I had a lot of fun! I was a little dizzy from not eating much, but I had a smoothie and was a little better. Next time I'll eat a good lunch so I'm.. fully "there". Like, I almost wasn't there. You know? I was dizzy, so it was hard to focus on things.

Another reason why anorexia isn't worth it. I can't wait for the new clinic on Monday. I really need them!

Until then, I'll just have to try to cope. I'm just glad I'm busy this weekend so I don't think about food too much and sit in my room being miserable. Today I was busy all day shopping with Z, and tomorrow, Me and my mom are going to get my little cousin in Wisconsin. She's so cute! She doesn't really have any good girl role models (her parents are divorced & her dads fiance is mean and drinks a lot) so we try to hang out with her a lot. We're going to Trader Joe's, going back to my house & decorating gingerbread houses, then seeing a movie and bringing her home. I'm excited! It's going to be fun(:

I hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving!