To eating out:
Ed: Remember, look at the calorie amount BEFORE you go out. Or else only get vegetables
Me: But the fried rice looks really good!
Ed: Oh my.. xxx calories for one serving! No. You are getting the vegetables.
Me: .. Fine.
To eating at home:
Ed:You should find that diet journal that you used to have
Me: The one that counted all the calories, fat grams, everything?
Ed: Yeah, that way I can control what you eat more.. I mean, you can control what you eat
Me: I honestly would rather eat xxxx calories a day. Not your amount.
Ed: Welll, if you do that you have to work out. Finding the diet journal would be a good idea
To looking in the mirror after a "binge":
Ed: Whoa, look who's gotten fat! You shouldn't eat tomorrow.
Me: But I just got all my favorite foods! I want to eat them..
Ed: If you eat a small amount and work out it should be fine
Me: But i don't want to do that either
Ed: You're going out to eat on Thursday. You have to prepare for that so you don't swell up like a big balloon. Drink lots of water so you don't get full. Do sit ups and squats too. Your legs & stomach are really fat.
Me: I think that you're just telling me that. What if I'm actually really skinny and listening to you will make me look like a walking skeleton?
Ed: It won't. Just listen to me, just this once.....
Wow, that is NOT me saying those things. Yeah, it seems really crazy at first to have a conversation going on inside your head but if that was a real person talking to us, would it seem as crazy? No. It wouldn't.
If we see Ed as an actual person, maybe we really can stop the lies. Sometimes, you really think that it's you saying these things, but it's not. It's the eating disorder. The eating disorder is making me think every time I eat out I have to look up the calories before. If the calories are not on the website, I can not eat there. Or, if the calories on the entree I want are too high, I can't get that. If I go to a restaurant, I have to get a small salad. Without dressing, cheese, and the things that actually make the salad taste good!
But you know what? I want to eat out without looking at the menu beforehand! I want to go shopping without the ED whispering fat in my ear, or saying good job if I'm thin that week. I want to be able to eat whatever I want and not look at the calories at all. I want to go to a restaurant without trying to scope out the lowest calorie thing on the menu, because my mom usually gets something really good and I'm sitting there with a small cold salad.
These are things that I am going to tell the new clinic when I see them after thanksgiving. The new clinic will hopefully help me eat more because I've been eating even less lately, maybe they can even eat with me sometimes? I hope so.
A new thing I've wanted to start doing is Favorites of the Week. Whether it's a favorite video, food, books, I'll be sharing the favorites of the week every week(:
I'm really loving Breakfast Cookies lately. They're really good! A little more expensive than other cookies, but they're organic and they're reallyy good.
Amy's brown rice, tofu, and vegetable bowl. I've been eating this for a long time and it's really good! I think my favorite part is the tofu.
Chobani Greek yogurt! This is the fruit on the bottom kind. This is also really good(: I love it because it has 14 grams of protein in it and it's different from regular yogurt.
Life Without Ed by Jenni Schaefer. If anyone hasn't read this yet, you have to read it! It's a great book and it really opened my eyes to a lot of unsolved issues.
And lastly, the movie Billy Madison. Adam Sandler is in this one and he's hilarious! He makes the whole movie. I watch this whenever I'm sad and it always cheers me up.
Hope everyone has a good day!(: