Friday, November 12, 2010

The only people you need in your life, are the ones who make you feel good about yourself

People make mistakes. We jump into things too quickly, and we go back to people who didn't make us feel good, just because we need people. I made this mistake.

People always tell me- You're so mature for your age! Yeah, I guess I am. But I really wish I wasn't.

As I mentioned before, I was going to have a sleepover today. I was so excited. I got some diet pop, some pop tarts, went to therapy, picked J up and headed over. It was pretty fun when we first got there. We all talked and laughed about stupid stuff for 2 hours. Then, I had to go to the bathroom because I had just drank a ton of diet pop. I got back from the bathroom, they're laughing and I felt so left out. It just went downhill from there. It's like they formed their own group that I wasn't allowed in on. I did everything I possibly could to keep from crying. I called my mom, told them I was "sick", and I went home.

I was SO sad afterward. It was my first time hanging out with people my age again, and it was awful. They didn't really put any effort into trying to include me in the fun. I felt so bad about myself, I felt boring, useless, and hopeless about life overall.

But later, I realized that not everyone is like that. There are some mature people my age out there. I can't just label my whole age group as immature. Maybe that school and the people that go there, but not everyone.

I have to keep thinking, I will meet some wonderful people. I have to stay positive. I have to see my future as bright. Not gloomy, dark & depressing.

But what I have learned, is no one likes feeling left out. So when I'm hanging out with people and someone is feeling left out, I will do everything I can to make them feel included and accepted.

I have a big heart. I just need people to fill it with.


  1. Hey D :)
    I think sometimes, going through recovery can mature someone in ways that others dont amture and then, in turn, that leaves us feeling a bit "different" to others. Ive been there in those sociual situations where u just feel not wanted/odd in comparison to the others, but your soo right when u say that u just need to find people on the same wavelength as you-it makes life so much easier. Dont change who you are to suit others, youll find people you can relate to. dont worry.

  2. I'm sorry you had such a crappy party, but I have a bit of advice if you want it. When I first went back to school people did try to include me because I had a lot of really good friends (I was lucky!), but I pushed them away. Then I had no one, I was excluded. And I knwo how that feels, it sucks, but people just aren't going to make the effort to include you. The best advice someone ever gave me was that, even mature people aren't going to make the effort, YOU have to make the effort. If you get involved, and stick out these first bad weeks then it will get better. Trust me, I have lots of friends now, but it sucked at the start, I had to start all the conversations, but now they make the effort with me. Good luck! xxx

  3. Thank you for commenting on my blog! I hadn't found you yet either!

    How horrible! Recovery is hard enough and to not have your friend support is harder still!!

    It was probably unintentional...It can feel really different trying to enter back in and it take a lot of effort. With my friends I just had to face the fact that things were now different.. Some friends, I've grown really close with.. one in particular is a super help to me - we can talk about anything..And others either don't know what to do with me or have some other reason for not wanting to talk to me..

    Friends come and go, but true friends stay.
    if you have one good friend, you've got your back.

    Be yourself! Be free!

  4. I feel exactly like this! I hate feeling left out, and I also hate leaving anybody out of conversations, and fun. Because i know how depressing it feels. I don't know if I've ever had this situation happen to me at a sleep over (I might have and just can't remember) but I know similar things have happened to me in the past. I admire how you're trying to stay positive about it though. It's not you! There's nothing wrong with you! But you just haven't met the right people yet. Going to the youth group you mentioned, will probably be really great for you and might allow you to meet tons of new friends who you can be truly happy around. I'm praying for you!!

    <3 Tori

  5. I always view my ED as a huge wall that I have around me. I know that feeling very well.

    That was why I did not go out very much to hang out with friends. I figured that I would rather stay home and avoid from feeling even worse. I did miss out on a lot of events because I allowed my ED to hold me back.

    DO give yourself a pat on your back. That was a big step forward for you to try and interact with your friends even though it was hard for you in the end.

  6. aww... I'm so sorry you felt like that. Feeling excluded is one of the worst feelings ever :(
    thank you for your sweet comments and support on my blogs. Tia @ Dietcolagirl

  7. Sorry you had a bad time....please don't let it stop you from trying it again, ok?