I've been feeling really really sad lately. My mom blames it on Facebook, but that's not really it. Facebook allows me to talk to people and almost reconnect with people. Just lately.. I don't know. Right now I just feel like there's a huge hole in my heart. There's something missing.
I added one of my old friends on Facebook today. She was pretty nice, but there was one small problem with her. Lets call her C. So C was almost obsessed with one of my other best friends. Lets call her J. C copied almost everything J did. J sometimes got really mad about it but I think it was me that got the most upset. When C always fawned over J- "oh my gosh you're so pretty, you're sooooo funnny! I LOVE your hairr!!!" I almost felt really upset and left out. Was I honest about that? No, I never was. People my age never say how they really feel, like ever. Most people my age, just pretend to be this person that is cool, that people will like.
I realize now, I should have been honest with them instead of trying to not hang out with C as much. But it was hard. I HATE hurting any one's feelings. So I always hung out with J. Me and J always had fun, but since I never wanted to mention C, the friendship was hard. We eventually stopped talking to each other. And.. I miss them both. We all made each other laugh and had a great time together. I should have just let it go or told them the truth instead of ignoring a problem.
The bad part is, I can't admit to them that I miss them. I want them to admit that they miss me. I don't really want to be rejected. I don't want to reach out to them because I was always the one doing that. I want people to reach out and text me for once. To care.
From here, I guess God will guide me. If I listen close enough, I can listen to him. From now on, I will be a selfless person. I was not one last year, I was a mean girl. God was still there at the time, but I was not even listening to him at all. I have to listen to him now. Now, I can hear him. He'll guide me in the right direction of who I'm supposed to be friends with.