So, I finally talked to J again. We've been talking a lot since yesterday. I guess it was kind of mutual. So you guys were right. We both really missed each other and we missed hanging out together. And I found out something really interesting. She has an ED too!
After my experience this summer, all the pieces really came together. I always thought about the past, so it made sense. She was very skinny in 7th and 8th grade. And not just average skinny, very very skinny. The summer of 8th grade, she started eating more and I think she mentioned she was seeing a dietitian. That was when my ED was first starting up, so I didn't really put much thought into it.
Towards the end of the summer, she started giving some of her clothes away to C. They didn't fit her anymore, so she couldn't wear them. But thinking about it all, I have to say she hid it well. I'm an really open person so I'm bad at hiding things. I've never really told many people like, in person about it. I've told my cousin, who doesn't understand, and one of my other friends who was into modeling and had an ED too. This was in the middle of the year last year. We were both so confused. Lets call this girl, H. H, felt bad about what she ate. She wanted to model too. She wasn't the skinniest person, but she looked really great. She just never realized it herself. Me and H always texted each other when we "overate" last winter and gave each other tips on restricting.
After I didn't have a class with H, we didn't talk that much anymore. But I did recently talk to her, and it sounds like she's doing well. She's given up on modeling but she's happy for me that I'm starting.
Anyway back to the main topic, me and J are pretty much friends again. She has really grown up in the past 6 months. I told her she can text me whenever she feels bad or alone and we talked about getting better. But, I have decided not to be friends with C again. Although she may seem like a sweet person, there is something off there. Something that is not right. I get a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach whenever I mention her.
So all in all, I'm happy now(: I see everything falling into place, everything better. I'm going to get my studies taken care of, I'm having a sleepover with J & some friends next weekend, I'm going to try to keep pursuing modeling, and I'm finallyy going to start studying for my permit test. Sooner or later, this ED will slowly disappear. My life will be so great, there will be no room for an eating disorder. At all.
Hi Danielle, this is my first time to comment on your blog after starting to follow it recently. I'm glad that you are feeling better now! It's great that you made up with your friend J. Also, do what your heart tells you, if you feel something is wrong with C, then just follow your heart. I'm actually a friend of someone with anorexia, but I don't really know how to help her. I just try to be there for her... I think she is in denial though. Do you have any advice for me? Anyway, I can't wait until you get better and your ed disappears! God bless you. :)
ReplyDeleteJust started following you! You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders and a good heart. I've learned that trusting yourself (in any aspect of life) is a big step in recovering from an ED, so good job! I hope you continue on this path and get happier and happier.
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I think it's great that you and J started talking again and that now you have each other for support. It's also great to hear that everything is falling into place. I'm happy for you!
ReplyDeleteI AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!!! That is wonderful that you and J have reconnected and are supporting each other in your recoveries and I'm glad you're seeing everything fall into place! You work so hard and you should be so proud of yourself. :-) I am SO proud of you! Have fun at your sleepover next weekend!
ReplyDeleteWow, it sounds like you've been surrounded by many people with similiar disorders. I can't relate to that at all. I have never even met anyone that has an eating disorder. My cousin (the one I talked about in my post) did actually lose a LOT of weight a little before I developed my ED. I never thought about it before, but it definetely triggered me into restricting. I don't know if she ever had a full blown eating disorder, but she did get very skinny. After being treated for depression though they put her on medication and she gained some healthy wieght back. Funny thing, that I think she looks even better now that she isn't so dealthy skinny.
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