I also have to realize that, things will get better. There will be a time in my life, where I don't feel like curling up in a ball and crying all the time. God is helping me not feel jealousy. But, I am sort of grateful that I am feeling some sort of emotion, instead of feeling numb all the time. I've realized that I shouldn't feel this way, and I'm trying to move on from it.
It's just hard to feel good about yourself, when it seems like a person has the perfect life. A boyfriend, a good family, babysitting, and a ton of friends, when you yourself don't have any of those things.
But, on a good note, I have finally decided to go to a different eating disorder clinic. I can't just have a good dietitian and a bad therapist. It has to be equal. I really need help and I need someone that will be there for me. Not only do I not have a good connection with this therapist, but her schedule does not work with mine. I can't just not see my therapist for a week. That does damage for me.
So the place I've decided to go to is great(: There's so many therapist's, dietitian's, and phychiatrists. They have four levels of outpatient care and it sounds like they work with you a lot(: So I would see a therapist and dietitian and probably someone else once a week. They're there a lot so we won't have to worry about schedules.
I just have to let God help me through this. If I let him guide me, I will not feel jealous anymore. I will be happy and content with my life. And when I really think about it, I shouldn't be jealous! I don't want a boyfriend now. Boys are not exactly.. mature enough for me yet. And with all the issues I'm dealing with, I wouldn't want them to know about any of that.
So, life gets better. I just have to keep saying that over and over- it gets better. Because it applies to people with eating disorders too. I just have to have faith that it will.