Thursday, November 11, 2010


I think Jealousy is the worst emotion someone can experience. It is for me anyway. And I guess I have to admit, I was always jealous of J. She was so well liked. Now, she just got a boyfriend. And how am I coping with it? By not eating/: I realize that this is so selfish. I should be happy for her that she's happy instead of not eating and feeling jealous.

I also have to realize that, things will get better. There will be a time in my life, where I don't feel like curling up in a ball and crying all the time. God is helping me not feel jealousy. But, I am sort of grateful that I am feeling some sort of emotion, instead of feeling numb all the time. I've realized that I shouldn't feel this way, and I'm trying to move on from it.

It's just hard to feel good about yourself, when it seems like a person has the perfect life. A boyfriend, a good family, babysitting, and a ton of friends, when you yourself don't have any of those things.

But, on a good note, I have finally decided to go to a different eating disorder clinic. I can't just have a good dietitian and a bad therapist. It has to be equal. I really need help and I need someone that will be there for me. Not only do I not have a good connection with this therapist, but her schedule does not work with mine. I can't just not see my therapist for a week. That does damage for me.

So the place I've decided to go to is great(: There's so many therapist's, dietitian's, and phychiatrists. They have four levels of outpatient care and it sounds like they work with you a lot(: So I would see a therapist and dietitian and probably someone else once a week. They're there a lot so we won't have to worry about schedules.

I just have to let God help me through this. If I let him guide me, I will not feel jealous anymore. I will be happy and content with my life. And when I really think about it, I shouldn't be jealous! I don't want a boyfriend now. Boys are not exactly.. mature enough for me yet. And with all the issues I'm dealing with, I wouldn't want them to know about any of that.

So, life gets better. I just have to keep saying that over and over- it gets better. Because it applies to people with eating disorders too. I just have to have faith that it will.


  1. I think it is a right move for you to go to a different ED clinic especially if you feel there is no connection with your therapist. I have learned through my program (I went to grad school for Mental Health counseling) that if a client doesn't "click" with her/his therapist then it means that the therapist is not the right person to help to promote recovery for the client.

    As for jealousy, it is a VERY common emotion among people (both those with ED and those without ED). It stems from comparing self to others.

    What I have learned from this is that other side is not always so green. I used to think omg, she has a boyfriend, she has a car, she has a perfect life blha blah balh then later I learned that the person had just same problems as I did!

    So that was an eye opener for me.

    Nobody is perfect.

  2. life WILL get better, and remember, youre the only one who can live YOUR life YOUR way. your feelings arent 'wrong', its ok to b jealous, its just what u do with that jealous feeling, that matters, if i was u, id let it go, in the knowledge that u have no need to be jealous and being that way wont help u in any way. xx
    good luck with ur new treatment team it sounds great :)

  3. I totally understand the feeling of being jealous. It seems that all my friends have the life I would absolutely LOVE to have. When I talk to them, I feel the urge to restrict and do something, anything to feel superior. But I need to remind myself that no one has the perfect life. To others my life may seem way better then theirs. It's all a matter of perspective. Because behind the smiling face, happy laughter, great friends and relationships there might be a person that is hurting just as much as you are.

    I hope you find the right treatment team, one that can really help you in the best way possible.

  4. I hate to admit it, but I can be a jealous person at times. It's alot easier to see the good in other people's lives than our own. We just never know what it's really like to be in anyone else's position. But, one thing I've learned is that feelings are not "good" or "bad". It's kinda like food: you need all sorts to be healthy and, ultimately, happy.
    So, let yourself feel jealous for a tiny bit, then think about all the things that you are grateful for and know that it doesn't really matter what anyone else has!
    God bless<3