Thursday, September 30, 2010

A year's difference

I try to think of what life was like last year and it's so hard to imagine. I was a completely different person then. I cared too much about what other people thought of me and I had toxic friends. The ED wasn't very present then, but it was still in the back of my mind. Just very quiet.

Last year, I had friends who decorated my locker at school on my birthday. This year, no friends. But honestly, I'm happier now. Which is weird but I don't have friends. Yes I have to get friends, but it's so hard to find GOOD friends.

See, my friends last year were toxic. Sure, we had our good times, but the drama outnumbered the good times. They made me feel so bad about myself, and at the time, I didn't even realize it. Now, I do. Friends are caring, loving, and supportive. They accept you for who you are and love you for exactly you. My friends last year did not do that. They treated me badly without me realizing it. They made fun of my parents and disrespected me and my home. They left messes everywhere they went and treated people badly. But, they weren't all bad. Just misguided, like everyone else my age is.

I do realize that I have to get friends and they will make my life better but it's hard. I've been isolated for months, and the ED encouraged that. The ED told me that when my friends left me, people would love me if I lost weight, and that never happened.

But honestly, friends aside, today was a pretty great 16th birthday for me. I went to the cheesecake factory and ate a good amount of food and it felt pretty good too.

I realize that friends are probably a step in the recovery process. I just have to learn to get over my fear of getting toxic friends. There are good people out there. I just have to find them.


  1. Happy Birthday!
    You ar going to meet new, healthy and positive friends, Danielle.
    I do declare.


  2. I'm sorry this is belated, but Happy Sweet 16th, Danielle!!! Awesome about the Cheesecake Factory- that is my favorite restaurant and I can't wait until I feel strong enough to eat my favorite meal there again.

    I understand how difficult it is to make new friends, ones that treat you right (I've struggled with the same thing after a series of toxic friendships)- it's so hard, but you'll get there! Just from reading your blog I can tell what a compassionate, wonderful person you are- you will make new friends that deserve your company.


  3. @Jess, thank you! I really hope i do but i'm in online school so it's a bit hard.

    And i can tell you're a great person too, you seem so nice! And i really appreciate your support, it's great(:

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