Friday, October 15, 2010

How I stay happy

If I wasn't for my little dog Baily, I don't think I would stay sane. She's really the one that keeps me going on everyday. She's the one that keeps me happy. I know it sounds weird but hey, look at her! Isn't she cute? She always knows how to cheer me up when I'm sad and she always wakes me up in the morning. Dogs are almost like the best friend that doesn't judge you. They're always there for you and they always will be. They're not going anywhere. That's why I love animals so much. It's almost like they listen to your problems and don't judge or do anything.

I haven't really been able to be outside much lately. I've had so much homework! And the worst part is, they've put limitations on my exercise. And when I say they, I mean the doctor, therapist, and dietitian. It all started with the EKG scan. My doctor listened to my heart, took my blood pressure or something, took blood, but didn't weigh me. Everything was fine except the scan. But that's not the weird part yet. The weird part is, my child doctor who i haven't seen or talked to in a year, called my wellness/recovery clinic. She looked at the results of the EKG scan and said no exercise and she was "really concerned". Uhm, okay if you were really concerned then why didn't you call me and my parents? It made me really mad. Me and my mom decided not to see her anymore a long time ago so we've been seeing a new doctor for the past 6 months. Mainly because the other doctor is so crabby and negative and mean.

But anyway, when my dietitian told me this I was really sad. Taking walks by the lake with my dog is the only thing keeping me happy right now. Well that and baking. Not really modeling because the agency hasn't contacted us yet. So my mom called my doctor and she got it all straightened out. My doctor said that I wasn't that bad. My results on the scan were like 59 or something and she said the normal is 60. My childhood doctor said it was really low. No.. it was not in fact low. It was low, but it wasn't extremely low and she shouldn't be saying these things if she's not the one seeing me or taking the scans.

I guess when I think about it, I was 50% mad and the other half was the ED that was mad. But it was almost like people putting rules on my life. Which is what I'm trying to stay away from because with the ED, I had so many stupid rules. Now, I'm breaking all those rules.

I just have to be sort of careful with what I eat. Sometimes I think I'm getting Orthorexia nervosa, but I don't really think that's true. My eating habits have really improved. I still eat really unhealthy things like cake pops, cheese pizza, chocolate chip cookies, and coke zero. The last thing I need is to develop another disease. But I'm not going to. I am in control of my own life. Nothing is going to stop me from living my life now. Not the ED or anything.


  1. Your dog is ADORABLE! So sweet!

    As for orthorexia nervosa, it is a valid disease, but sometimes doctors are quick to try and diagnose someone with it (especially a recovering anorexic) when they may not actually have it. This is an interesting article about it that I put on my facebook a few days ago.

    I wouldn't worry about it too much. There's nothing wrong with eating healthily as long as you're eating enough, getting all your calories and vitamins and nutrients met, and not developing any sort of new or unusual preoccupations or habits or anything ED related.

    Take care, sweetie!

  2. Yikes! That link I gave you doesn't work. The article is here:

    Sorry about that! :P

  3. This comment has been removed by the author.

  4. Animals are great! I have found horses so helpful in my own recovery. They don't judge us, you're right.

    I'm sorry about the issues with your doctor and the limits on your exercise. That's tough. Make sure you still get some fresh air. =]

    I definitely show some orthorexic tendencies in my own recovery, but I view it as a continuation of the ED, not really as a seperate problem. I have to work hard not to have too many "rules" about what I can and can't eat.

    Hope everything works out!

  5. Aww Your dog is cute.

    Yes, I understand your happiness with your puppy. I was the same way with my cat, Winnie, and it was very hard on me when I lost her.

    It's still hard because she was the only thing that really kept me afloat during my dark years. But enough with this :)

    I do have Orthorexic tendencies, but am curbing them because I do not want to develop other eating disorder. Anorexia is already really hard enough as it is.

    Hang in there Danielle.

  6. your dog is sooooo cute!!!! and i love her name :)
    i used to ahte when people put rules on my life like no exercise or no laptop at meals ettc
    but sometimes u just gotta see it as them doing it or saying it for your own good and the decisions they make are probably ones you DANIELLE would make if ed wasnt so imposing on you (then again you wouldnt need t make those decisions if ed wasnt imposing on u!) but u get what i mean hopefully!!
    i know its har and it sucks but noone said this process was easy right?? but two things to rmemeber to help get u through are
    one~those decisions are for your own good
    two~its only temporary until ur healthy!!

    I know exactly where you're coming from... I find spending time with my dog so comforting and therapeutic!
    I understand where you're coming from w/ frustration about the exercise limitations! Just remember though, like eatingandlivingforreal said, they have your best interests at heart even though it's hard. And once you're further along in recovery, you'll have the freedom to exercise when you want- which you can maybe use as motivation to keep on making progress and moving forward!
    I am so proud of you, Danielle. You are working so hard, making a ton of progress, and are very inspiring to me! Keep staying strong and fighting and celebrating every victory- you're doing great. <3