Sunday, October 24, 2010
I used to really hate change. Every time I got a new schedule for a new semester of school I would groan because I didn't know anyone and I liked the way it was. Not anymore. I'm tired of sitting around wallowing in my own stupid misery and depression. I want to do something about it! I want to be busy and happy. I want to stop feeling insecure when I see someone with more confidence and better clothes than me.
Today, I did something about it. I went to another new church. It was okay, better than last time, but it was huge!! There was so many people. Probably too much for me but the good thing is, they have other smaller churches exactly like the one I went to today. And closer to where I live too! This one was 45 minutes away. Worth the drive though!
I think that I like change, but I'm sort of afraid of it. Or I used to be. I'm so tired of living in an unhappy bubble. I want to have friends and laugh and to actually enjoy life. Today somehow changed that. I'm not sure why. Maybe because I was actually busy. I went to church at 11, ate, visited my grandma, went shoe shopping(:, did some unit exams for school, and watched desperate housewives. It may not be how I usually or used to spend the day, but I liked it. I wasn't alone or sad at all today. I was happy.
Feeling busy is, I guess a way for me feeling happy. Whether it's shopping, coming home late, or a modeling thing, I feel great after doing so.
Now that I've tackled getting out of the house, I have to start doing other things too. I can't keep pouting that modeling isn't taking off, I have to do something about it!
My mom actually has a friend in the modeling business. Okay.. not friend but old childhood neighbor. But still, it's a start! My mom's friend has her own agency or something so we're going to mail them photos. It may take a while to get there, but it's worth it. The wait is worth it if something good comes out of it.
I've actually put more thought into going to a public/private school. Before I was so apposed to it. Now, I guess I'm warming up. I can't really meet people if I'm sitting on my butt on the computer right? Okay.. I kinda can but you know what I mean.
So all in all, I like change(: I've been even thinking about changing my room. I really like these rooms.
I would put quotes on the walls and maybe some black and white/in color pictures too. I can't wait for everything to change(: