I have seasonal depression, so in the winter I get really really sad. Especially now that I'm home alone all day. There's some days I don't even leave the house.
Yesterday I just wanted to scream for someone to understand. My mom never seems to know what to do. I'm not sure why, she's reading a ton of articles and ED books. But last night, she didn't even notice that I had almost skipped dinner. Her best friends cat just died, so I guess her mind was on that a lot..
I don't mean to demand a lot of attention, I just want someone to care. To understand. To say, I know exactly how you feel.
I did end up eating dinner later, but it was pretty small and mainly centered around fruits and vegetables. I'm just so tired of all of this. I really want to move, I want to work out, to be able to eat more. I figure, weight gain will be a little easier if I don't notice it. Like If I'm doing tennis inside a lot, doing things I love, being happy. If I'm just sitting on my butt all the time, and eating more, I don't know what I'll do. I won't let that happen though. I don't know, I'll have to talk to my therapist when I meet her for the first time next week.
I'm just also tired of not being able to get to sleep. I try, and try but somehow I never get tired. I end up going to the kitchen, looking around, grabbing a glass of water and an applesauce and going to bed.
Sorry this post was totally pointless, I just had to get it alll out, and vent. I hope I dig myself out of this hole soon, because it's really getting bad. I hope God will guide me out of this mess. I just have to let him.