I've been feeling really hopeless the past few days. The ED monster has been really hard.
I haven't been able to get away from him.
I was watching multiple videos on YouTube about anorexia hope. I couldn't find any good ones, so I decided to create my own hope.
I went to the mirror, and started taking pictures. Ed planned to take over. But what really happened, was I saw myself. It was like seeing myself for the first time. The girl I saw in the mirror didn't look at all what I usually see. She was sickly skinny. She looked sad.
I'm going to keep those pictures, whenever Ed feels like lying to me. Whenever I'm having a hopeless day, to prove that I'm not what he says I am.
Also, I'm going to get a gym membership. Nooo, not to lose weight. I made a promise to myself. Only workout for 20 minutes. Don't workout if I feel fat. Or if I feel like I ate too much. I don't want working out to be a cover up for what I'm really feeling. I want it to be motivation for me to get healthy. I don't push myself when I'm working out. I can't, my body can't handle it.
I'm also, not going to rely on calories anymore. An 800 calorie sandwich, is not going to kill me. It's going to make me healthy. And it wouldn't hurt me to eat one of these either.
I actually eat one every day for breakfast. With soy milk(:
And, I'm going to change this blog name to Beating Ed. Because that's what I'm going to do.
Everyone has hope inside them. All you have to do is go to the light. It will help you get out of this horrible place. You CAN recover. All you need is a little hope, and people to guide you to it.
And always remember this.
<3 Have a great night everyone!